exhausted.

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Source: vi.sualize.us via Amy on Pinterest

(I found this picture quite fitting, both boys have been up at 3, the past two nights)
I am exhausted.My children have decided that night time is better spent screaming, than sleeping.

We are fighting ear infections and teething.

This week was suppose to be my “I’m gunna change everything” week.

But it hasn’t been. It’s been filled with tears, trains and tantrums.

I know it is a season in our lives where I will look back and miss it, but right now I am doing everything that I can to move past it.

I know there are things that I need to change.

I need to be more scheduled.

In everything.

With meals (I need to start meal planning again)

With chores (I despise cleaning, but love a clean house)

With naps

With exercising

I need to use my time wisely.

Starting tomorrow. I hope.

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Honesty.

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Source: Uploaded by user via Maria on Pinterest

I’m going to be honest.
I have a hard time with my body.

The extra curves, the jiggles, the pudge where there was no pudge before.

I am my worst critic, and yet, I rarely do anything about it.

Maybe it is Rich’s fault, he says he loves my curves.

Maybe it is just laziness.

This month, my plan is not to get skinny. It is to get fit.

My birthday is in 25 days, and my goal is to fit in the jeans.
The ones I haven’t fit (sans muffin top) since before Teag was born.

This is my plan.
Care to join me?

Source: imgfave.com via Kaitlin on Pinterest

What I’d wear Wednesday…

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if we were getting married. again.

don’t get me wrong, i loved our wedding.

i’m just day dreaming.

Source: 29.media.tumblr.com via Kaitlin on Pinterest

I love the back of this dress. so classy.

Source: thenaturalweddingcompany.files.wordpress.com via Brooke on Pinterest

i never had a garter belt, i find this one charming

Source: prettystems.blogspot.com via Asia on Pinterest

i love me some bling

Source: theoutnet.com via Asia on Pinterest

a dress for the reception, something to dance in!

What is your dream wedding?

A little inspiration.

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Source: boozebagbettygoestorehab.blogspot.com via Kaitlin on Pinterest

This week has been my “organize, reno, redo” week.

So far I have completely cleaned our master bedroom, no easy task.

Not only that but we re-arranged it, and put Arlo’s crib in our room.

The reason for that is, Teag thinks it is a great idea to climb in it at night.

Thankfully everytime he has climbed in, I have had Arlo with me.

STILL it is not something I would like him to do, and since I want Baby to be sleeping in his crib it has become a wee bit cramped.

My other HUGE project for this week is to overhaul our laundry room.

Words to describe is are:

huge

gross

unfinished

dirty

dark

depressing.

You get the idea.

What I want is:

light

bright

clean

finished.

Maybe something like these?

Source: blog.light-innovations.com via Mike on Pinterest

I love the rock wall, and the lighting. I could definitely have this in my house!

Source: houzz.com via Kaitlin on Pinterest

I love the idea of this laundry room, as like a mud room type thing.

Source: southernliving.com via Kaitlin on Pinterest

I love the colour!!

Source: wallwritten.com via Kaitlin on Pinterest

I definitely need to get this vinyl made for our laundry room!!

Source: Uploaded by user via Kaitlin on Pinterest

I’d be all over this one, if our master bedroom and laundry room weren’t on different floors and opposite sides of the house!

Source: Uploaded by user via Kaitlin on Pinterest

This will definitely be happening in some form or another!!

Now to get ‘er done!

I was one point off.

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After I had Teag we had our well baby appointment with our nurse.
They make you do a quiz, I think it had 10 questions. maybe more.
Trying to see if you have postpartum depression.
I lied.
I answered the way I thought they wanted me to answer.

Everything is fine.
Life is great.
I’m adjusting well.

There was so much going on in our lives.

Having family live with us.

Having a baby.

The nurse checked the quiz.

I was one point off from having postpartum depression.

I laughed it off.

Silly quiz.

There is no way that I was depressed.

I had a happy husband.

An adorable baby.

 

In my heart I know that I was depressed.

Things didn’t feel right, Rich could tell.

I felt crazy in my own head.

Like I was in a fog.

 

It wasn’t until Teag was 6 months old that I started to get out of my funk.

I finally could see straight.

I felt like something clicked.

I felt like I could finally handle everything.

Being a wife.

A mother.

 

When I found out I was pregnant with Arlo, I was terrified.

Terrified that I would feel the same as I felt after having Teag.

 

I have yet to take that quiz again.

This time, I have changed a few things.

Healthier meals. More veggies.

vitamins. Last time I hardly took anything. This time I take vitamin C, D, flinstone chewables, calcium, and folic acid. I can definitely feel a difference when I take them.

Exercise. It’s not as often as I would like. Due to having two kids, my time is precious. When I can get a workout in, I am happy.

I feel healthy.

And for the most part, I feel happy.

 

 

Post Surgery.

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While we were in the hospital I decided to write down what I was feeling at the time, so that I could remember it forever.

Here is what I wrote.

Jan 12, 2012

Today is Arlo’s surgery

—–*–*——*——-

We came into the city last night, stayed at a hotel instead of getting up at the butt crack of dawn.

We woke up at 5:30

I hate mornings.

Especially today.

 

We got to Children’s at 6.

      Registered. Got coffee and waited.

We  went to day surgery.

     Arlo screamed. He was so hungry. He hadn’t eaten since 11:30 last night

I made the decision to quit pumping. It was a hard agonizing decision. 

I am in the process of weaning. It’s so much harder to wean from pumping,

than it is to wean from nursing.

At 7:50 I handed Ari over to the surgeons nurse. He was sleeping. I kissed him and told him that I loved him.

Rich kissed him goodbye.

Then the nurse and my baby walked away.

I held in my tears. I knew that once I started, it would be hard to stop.

I would cry.

At 11:30 the surgeon came and talked to us.

He told us that Arlo had done splendid. That it had been an easy fix.

Now all we had to do was wait for Arlo to wake up.

We waited. And waited. And waited.

At 12:30 I went and asked the nurse what was going on.

She said we could go back to day surgery, and see what was going on.

We got there, and the unit clerk said they forgot to call us.

Lame.

He was upstairs in recovery and we could go up and see him.

 

He was so groggy.

High from the morphine.

Rich held him first.

Then it was my turn.

He didn’t look like himself.

Swollen and stitched up.

—*—-*—

We stayed in the hospital till Sunday.

It was a relief to go home.

Night time was hell.

The hospital didn’t send morphine home with us, mainly because he was doing so well at the hospital.

Tylenol and Advil didn’t seem to cut it.

Day time was better.

He didn’t like being put down, and he didn’t want to be with anyone but me.

On Wednesday we had our post op appointment, the surgeon cut the stiches (that were holding the gauze in) and gave him his nose stent.

We found out that we don’t have to go in till March 7th! I did a happy dance.

//wednesday cuddles//waiting to be called//first look post op//a great friend came and kept us calm//so sweet//cuddles with daddy\\

In the past few days Arlo has pretty much returned to normal. He is sleeping better, he is eating better and he has started to laugh and “talk” again.

I am so thankful for everyone that has been with us on this journey, be it praying, a quick note or a hug.