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Potty tales.

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My little Teag is growing so fast.

He is constantly moving and talking.

Trying to grow up so fast.

Last night, I put him to bed, put Arlo to bed and left the room.

I went downstairs, and listened to him sing.

“Moooommmmmmyyy. Mommmmyyy. winniepooh. pupppppyyy.”

After a while, he started to sing about the potty

[that’s what happens when you start to potty train, it’s all about the potty and the treats (candy, not poop)]

then he started to cry.

But I was going to hold my ground.

He was going to soothe himself.

Then it was hysterics.

“POTTTTY!!! POTTTTY!!!”

Still, I held off.

Then after a few minutes of the potty screams, I went upstairs.

I found him at the gate of his room (he has a gate, not a door.)

completely naked.

Holding his dry diaper and jammies in one hand,

and his bankie in his other hand.

With a puddle of pee on the floor.

Lesson learned.

From now on, when he calls,

I answer.

Even if it is the nine millionth time for the potty.

———–

Yesterday night, it was bath night.

Teag was in the tub.

I was changing Arlo’s diaper when I saw that he had pooped.

I sat him down on Teags potty (it was clean, don’t worry)

while I waited for Rich to grab the wipes.

Rookie move, i know.

Wipes were brought, then I saw it.

He peed in the potty.

Teag did a happy dance.

We dance after a child goes pee in the potty.

 It was crazy.

————

My babies are growing up so fast.

stressed.

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i have never been so stressed in my life.

i feel like all i can do is cry.

i feel myself snapping at Rich.

i give the same speech each time i am asked the same questions.

i have it memorized by heart.

“his surgery is in january. it is three procedures. gum line, lip adhesion, and ear tubes. the ear tubes are because his ears are filled with fluid.

he can’t hear. no it’s not a guess. we had the hearing tests done. yes i long for him to hear. i am grieving that i he can’t. his palate surgery isn’t until the fall.”

i buried feelings deep in my heart.

the feelings of fear.

of dread.

of tears. it’s a feeling i can’t put into words.

i feel like i am on the brink of tears.

i want to hold my baby and rock him in my arms.

i don’t want to hand him over to the nurses.

yet i want his lip to be healed.

i am a swirling vortex of overtired protective mama.

this is where i want to be.

holding my babies.

When life…

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…gets hard, I tend to panic.

Not to anyone but myself and Rich.

I start thinking that I need to be doing more.

Currently it is that I need to go to school. I want to learn how to web design, but don’t want to leave my babies to go do it. So online would be the only possible way.

Which is fine, Rich has no problem with me going back to school.

Anytime a big decision happens, I panic. I revert to what I want to do, instead of focusing on what I should do.

I’m *stressed* about Arlo’s surgery.

I’m *stressed* about quitting pumping.

I’m *stressed* about how Teag will react to us being gone for 3+ days. When Arlo was born he was with the inlaws for a few days, when we got home it was rough.
I’m *stressed* about Rich going to school. I want him to succeed, and yet I know we will be a big distraction.
Today, I decided to quit pumping. After 3.5 months of pumping:
  •  2000oz frozen in the freezer
  • 1 round of mastitis and antibiotics
  • countless times of pumping and rocking a screaming baby all because I didn’t plan ahead
  • chapped and bloody nips

I’ve called it quits. I’m battling with myself. I told myself that I would pump for 6 months, that I would be able to pump enough to have 6 months frozen. I haven’t done that.

I waffle between saving my own sanity, and knowing the breastmilk is best.

I go from the extremes of knowing that he will have breastmilk for 6 months, and that I did an amazing job at providing it for him. To thinking that I have failed because I did not give him the same amount of breastmilk that his brother got. I feel like I am putting my own needs before his. I feel like I am being selfish.

I know I am not. I know I have done the best that I could do.

But I still want to cry.

I want to curl up in a ball and weep.

This is undoubtedly the hardest decision I have ever made.

And it hurts.

 

Bye bye pump.

 

New year.

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Every year I make these huge amazing resolutions. To get in shape, be happy and healthy, be a better wife and mother. To conquer the world.

This year, they are much the same.

Yet I am also making a “things I want to do” list. The no pressure, do it if you can, don’t worry if you can’t.

  • run a race, like a 5k or 10k.
  • go completely gluten-free
  • learn something new. I would love to learn how to design/program websites.
  • learn how to cook something new every week.
  • read my bible daily. something I sadly rarely do.
  • laugh more.
  • live in the moment, and not on my iphone.
  • take more pictures.
  • journal more.
  • ROAD TRIP with my family.

Let’s see how long it will take me to complete my list!

Until then, pictures for your viewing pleasure!

Highlights:

  • New washer
  • millennium falcon
  • killer bunnies
  • Uncle Joey
  • Pina coladas
  • Gigi visiting

 

Bring it on  2012!!

Christmas traditions.

Gallery

battle baby bulge w2

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This week has not been the most healthy, productive week.

Little T and I have been fighting a nasty cold, BUT I did get my walking goal in.

Week 1 measurements were

weight: never weighed myself

hips: 39in

waist: 33in

Week 1 goal was to walk 5kms. COMPLETED!

Week 2

weight: 150lbs

hips: 39in

waist: 33in

Week 2 goals:

walk 7kms

drink 2 litres of water a day*

try a new healthy recipe. I’m thinking this

*”Pregnancy or breast-feeding. Women who are expecting or breast-feeding need additional fluids to stay hydrated. Large amounts of fluid are used especially when nursing. The Institute of Medicine recommends that pregnant women drink 2.3 liters (about 10 cups) of fluids daily and women who breast-feed consume 3.1 liters (about 13 cups) of fluids a day.” Mayo Clinic Source

be sure to check in on Tairalyn over at Little Miss Mama