i have never been so stressed in my life.
i feel like all i can do is cry.
i feel myself snapping at Rich.
i give the same speech each time i am asked the same questions.
i have it memorized by heart.
“his surgery is in january. it is three procedures. gum line, lip adhesion, and ear tubes. the ear tubes are because his ears are filled with fluid.
he can’t hear. no it’s not a guess. we had the hearing tests done. yes i long for him to hear. i am grieving that i he can’t. his palate surgery isn’t until the fall.”
i buried feelings deep in my heart.
the feelings of fear.
of tears. it’s a feeling i can’t put into words.
i feel like i am on the brink of tears.
i want to hold my baby and rock him in my arms.
i don’t want to hand him over to the nurses.
yet i want his lip to be healed.
i am a swirling vortex of overtired protective mama.
this is where i want to be.
holding my babies.