i have never been so stressed in my life.

i feel like all i can do is cry.

i feel myself snapping at Rich.

i give the same speech each time i am asked the same questions.

i have it memorized by heart.

“his surgery is in january. it is three procedures. gum line, lip adhesion, and ear tubes. the ear tubes are because his ears are filled with fluid.

he can’t hear. no it’s not a guess. we had the hearing tests done. yes i long for him to hear. i am grieving that i he can’t. his palate surgery isn’t until the fall.”

i buried feelings deep in my heart.

the feelings of fear.

of dread.

of tears. it’s a feeling i can’t put into words.

i feel like i am on the brink of tears.

i want to hold my baby and rock him in my arms.

i don’t want to hand him over to the nurses.

yet i want his lip to be healed.

i am a swirling vortex of overtired protective mama.

this is where i want to be.

holding my babies.


7 responses »

  1. I know I have snapped at alot of people when Oakley was in the hospital too. I reget it but it’s hard not too:( I know their is nothing worse than not being in control of your own child but God is always with them. Surgery is a scary thing but God IS in control! Praying for you guys and little Arlo:)

  2. We’ve not been through surgery, but I know from dealing with our little one’s illness that there are times that you just want to burrow down with your beloved little ones and hide out until it is over. Yet you know that isn’t what you need to do and it is hard and scary. And it hurts. Prayers and love from a distance.

  3. My darlings Kait and Richard, May the Lord God of all creation, who created the universe and you and I be with you to stregthen you, to give you the assurance that He is in control and He will not let anything happen that He
    has not allowed. He gave you this precious child because He knows you are able to handle all that is ahead including this surgery. I am so proud of you both. You are amazing parents. So go and do what has to be done and know you are covered with prayer and love. That the God who gave us His precious son loves your son as much as he loves His own son.
    God bless you and keep you and let His light shine on you and through you.
    Hugs and kisses and prayers GeeGee

  4. You are going through SO much. And I think that it’s fair to say ALL of us have snapped at our husbands, I know I do. We always snap at the people who are closest to us because they forgive us, they understand, and they love us unconditionally. I’m sure that you’re husband is completely stressed as well. All I can tell you is to hang in there. And you’re probably thinking, “How much longer can I hang in there?” and well, you just might surprise yourself. Let hubby be your rock and cuddle those babies!

  5. I am 22 years old and was born with a cleft lip and palate. I have had 6 surgerys two being elective. I have always wanted to help in any way I could with parents who have a child born with a cleft. It will be okay! And if it makes you feel any better The only thing I remember is I got to take my teddy bear into surgery! If you ever have questions or just want to talk Im available!

  6. Hi Jordie! Thanks so much for the comment! I’m glad to hear that it won’t be as traumatizing to him, as it is for me. Thankfully his first surgery went great and we only had a few day at home of crankiness. Which I totally understand why, and don’t blame him for a minute.

    Hope you have a great day!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s