Before you freak out, nothing is (aside from the cleft issues) is terribly wrong.
When I had Little T, the first thing we did was nurse.
We continued for 13 months. It was our time.
When things were getting a wee bit heck-tick or I just needed a break from everyone,
we would slip into another room and just cuddle and nurse.
It was our time.
Today I was told (in a very kind, motherly voice) that it is near impossible to nurse a baby with a cleft palate.
A cleft lipped baby can still possibly, depends on the size of the cleft) form a latch and be able to nurse.
A cleft lip and palate (which is what Bubsie has) baby can still possibly latch, but because of the hole (thats what a cleft palate is) they wouldn’t be able to get a good suction going.
The way the nurse explained it to us is, “the suction we have is like sucking through a straw, a cleft palate baby has that straw but there is a hole in it. How well do we suck through a straw when there is a hole in it? Lots of work, and little to no reward for it”
That means that I wouldn’t get to nurse Bubsie, and it breaks.my.heart. I will pump like a crazy person (or like a dairy cow…haha) and try my best to make it a year (right now, that seems like such a huge task, and it scares me).
I still 100% agree that “breast is best” and I understand that in some situations it just doesn’t work. But I will do my hardest to make this work.
My heart is heavy today, not because of the cleft but because more than anything I am scared that I will fail at pumping. That because we didn’t nurse, there won’t be as strong of a bond between us as there was/is with Little T and I.
When you see me feeding my baby with a fancy bottle, instead of thinking that I am just a lazy mom who chose not breast feed, just smile and think of a mom who wants more than anything to nurse.