Today is your sixth month birthday.
I can’t believe how far we have come.
I feel like it was just yesterday that I found out I was pregnant with you.
I remember peeing on that stick taking that test and being far to scared to even look at it. After a few minutes of waiting, I saw the beautiful positive sign. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I ran and woke up Daddy and told him the wonderful news!
I remember how we told Grandma and Grandpa, we made them a little “Grandparents survival guide”. Grandma was completely ecstatic but Grandpa didn’t understand what it was.
I remember keeping the secret and giggling every time someone asked how I was feeling. Truthfully I was exhausted, having you in my tummy made me tired.
I remember the first time we tried to see you. I was 8 weeks pregnant, and we had our Dr appointment. Unfortunately I had to pee, and I did, which made it so we couldn’t see you.
I remember the first time we heard your tiny heart beat. Daddy was so excited when he heard it, he kept looking at the doppler and looking at me. It was beautiful.
I remember the first time I felt you move. It felt like my uterus was a pop corn maker.
I remember all the times that Daddy tried to feel you move, when it finally happened he jumped with excitement. Daddy’s favourite thing to do was hold Mommy’s tummy and feel your kicks and punches.
I remember when we went for the big gender ultrasound. I was so excited to see your cute baby face. I knew that you were a boy before the ultrasound tech told us. I was so excited. After the appointment we went shopping and stocked up on baby boy clothing, Daddy was so excited. He picked out the cutest tiniest outfits.
I remember the first time we thought you were coming. I was 22 weeks pregnant, and for some reason my body tried to force you to come. Thankfully you didn’t. We wanted you to stay healthy and to grow strong.
I remember taking an ambulance ride to the city, because at 32 weeks our Doctor and my body thought that you were coming. It was a long night in the hospital, but they managed to settle everything down.
I remember planning and preparing for your birth. I wanted a home birth, in the water, drug free. But Daddy said no. In the end, because of all of our health issues our Doctor decided to induce us at 39 weeks.
I remember feeling so proud of myself for making it to 39 weeks. I was so excited to finally meet you. I didn’t sleep at all the night before, not only for excitement, but because you were kicking my ribs out of place.
I remember the hour long drive to the hospital.
I remember the nurse telling me that the cervidil (or “Super sperm” as Dr D called it) would take up to three days to work. I was completely crushed.
For about 10 minutes.
I remember trying so hard to go drug free, I wanted what was best for you. I wanted to feel everything and to know what labour was like.
I remember the guilt of having the fentenol and the morphine and finally the epidural. I don’t regret a minute of it now.
I remember pushing, and the Doctor telling Daddy that if he wanted to cut the cord that he better do it now. They did that while your torso and legs were still in me.
I remember the Doctors saying “We need to stimulate”
I remember bawling.
I remember Daddy bawling.
I remember the NICU team coming in to try and get you to breathe.
You were stubborn and wanted to do it on your own time.
I remember them taking you away from me, I barely got to see you.
I remember eating pudding and cheese and crackers and drinking apple juice, while I waited to go see you. I longed to see you, but at the same time completely content to just eat.
I remember the wheelchair ride to see you, it took forever.
I remember the first time I saw you.
You were so tiny. So perfect.
I remember holding you and smelling you.
I was (and still am) in awe of you.
I can’t believe how much you have grown.
No longer are you this tiny little baby, you are this incredible little person.
You have your likes and your dislikes. You have your favourite teddy bear that you sleep with every night.
No longer are you content to just lay there are look around. You would much rather roll and attempt to crawl.
I am so proud of you my sweet baby boy.
Mama and Daddy love you more than anything else.